I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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