If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
