I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
