What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I understand Curling. That high.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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