Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
