i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
