Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
