as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
