Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I won the penis lottery.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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