yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
