i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
