Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
