this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
