i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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