We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize