You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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