I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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