the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
