NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize