lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
