Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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