omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
