you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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