I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're a waste of cheezeits
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
