Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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