You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
