life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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