but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
