everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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