I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
