Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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