Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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