you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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