It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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