For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
