I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
