I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
