somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
