i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
