The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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