And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
