Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
