either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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