grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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