Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
