Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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