My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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