Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
