Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
