dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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