So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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