Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Randomize
