woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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