Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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