when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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