Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
