haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize