Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
