so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
