i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
