I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
