Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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