Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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