I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
