she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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