It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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