do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
