FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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